Social Expectation

Rushed relationships often fail when defined not because of the common conception of reverse psychology, but rather because of a sudden sense of social expectation. That “public declaration” labelling the person as a “significant other” immediately gives peers the sense of entitlement to determine and define the “socially acceptable behaviour” for such a situation, and as our behaviour and choices are judged by our social group (our society), if certain ailments don’t align with our social paradigm, at least one variable will fall out of place. Determining “acceptable behaviour” is usually done by relating the given situation to similar experiences one has seen or had, consequently our approach to a relationship is then governed by the definitions of our chosen society. However, one’s own experience level also factors into how much of peers’ advice is taken, because humans seek advice from those perceived to have more experience in those pertinent aspects of life.

This occurrence is a result of social construction and the human demand for recognition and acceptance. “Solidarity” we may ideally romanticise, but fact of the matter is that in this day and age, one can never avoid other humans and still live a sane life. Psychologists and neuro-biologists have proved the need to coexist, even among animals, and with the human society being even more complex, one cannot survive in complete isolation. Our social society imposes the generally understood concept of what behaviours or conversations are acceptable, hence rushed relationships commonly fail because the liberty of how much of your core self is revealed is compromised from the start. “Socially appropriate relationship behaviour” is spread by media – movies, TV shows, magazines, celebrity relationships, music and popular fiction, encompassing the common “unspoken determinants of relationships.” Those are firstly, what is acceptable to talk about in a relationship ? Secondly, why is it unacceptable to talk to your partner about certain topics (not related to him/her) if you would easily talk to a friend about? And thirdly, why do we elevate the people we love to the point where we lose the ability to talk to them as we would our friends?

Given that humans elevate those they care about, it stands to reason that those who care about you will, too, elevate you. The human ego which (unconsciously) seeks recognition and approval instinctively tries to live up to a standard, which often entails extensive moderation of speech and behaviour so to complement the paradigmatic principles set by our peers. In their review Brain Basis of Social Human Interaction, Hari and Kujala argue that humans are mere mirror images of other human beings – our social behaviour, including speech, thought, reaction, motor skills and neurological synopsis – on the basis that our neurological cognition is trained behaviour. If pain, anxiety and fear can be physically felt (increased heart rate, sweating, constricted breathing and chest pains), then so can happiness, excitement and passion. These physical symptoms are neurological and biological, but the emotional response, Hari and Kujala argue, are no different. Psychology evidently and largely factors in, but the argument that psychology is also the study of the mind and brain leaves the theory undisputed.

Ergo, lack of social interaction essentially causes a risk of brain deterioration, and yet, our existence is then arguably a manifestation of other human beings; we are a fragment of the entire human race, no more, no less. The journey of mankind rests in doing whatever it takes between birth and death to ensure the human race doesn’t cease to exist – regardless of if we create new children – because our sheer existence is the reason other humans exist. Our paradigm is someone else’s journey; our journey is just a paradigm of expectations which we have been taught to believe are the most optimal of standards.

Life.

I don’t care, go on and tear me apart

I don’t care if you do, ooh

‘Cause in a sky, ’cause in a sky full of stars

I think I see you.

~Chris Martin~

Misconception

It’s not so much about being caught in between selves, nor is it social or corporal pressure. A simple misconception is all it takes, to send one flying from Mars to Venus.

The expectations of everyone around, the desires of those with expectations, and the pressures of those who desire something, anything. Everyone is selfish to some extent; everyone has their own wants versus needs that affect even those they care about most. It’s inevitable, but it’s a known fact.

Fear is often the drive which pushes people away, just as greed is what makes people yearn for satisfaction or even perfection. Fear – what everyone experiences and uses as an excuse, a means for escape. Greed – what pushes people to try their best and get the most out of anything they do.

On the other hand, people are selfish. They take others for granted for self-satisfaction and self-preservation, irrespective of if they get hurt. People manipulate their surroundings to benefit themselves. Others get hurt, but in the end, the individual is happy.

When others cannot live up to those expectations, it then forms disappointment, which leads to conflict. This in itself is a misconception: we cannot live up to an expectation, therefore we desire it from someone else; when our target has failed us, we give up. This leads to an unending circle of let-downs and lowered expectations, when eventually our emotions deteriorate and our capabilities increase.

One cannot always give another what they want. It is impossible. But we can always try to meet our own desires. And when those are not met, there’s always someone to blame.

This isn’t a choice: it’s the way things are.
Eventually, things fall apart, and we stand there wondering why. Then we only look back and realize how many people we’ve hurt. So we try to avoid that from happening again by distancing oneself, building walls and breaking connections. We think this helps, but in the end, it only hurts others around us.

One day, it will matter no longer, because we still end up with what we have worked for – even if it meant breaking a few hearts on the way.

If one yearns for freedom, he will exploit it from another; if one yearns for wealth, he will make another poor ; if one yearns for happiness, he will make another sad.

If one yearns for love, they will break another’s heart for their own love.

Misconception – you can be happy while making others happy.
Reality – someone will always be deprived of what it takes to satisfy you.

An Insightful Blogger