(context — originally written in April 2024 pending reflections from social conversations)

Those fine lines between assertiveness and aggression…
Being assertive comes from a level of knowledge and experience, of knowing when to step up, when to step back, and how to take those steps. Sometimes, it’s a small step forward, or a big leap towards something; and other times, it’s a step back to give time or space to recharge. Both are necessary when it comes to growth. It is often when one does not have a moment to breathe that the assertiveness can become aggressive — when the motivation becomes frustration, when the drive becomes forced rather than natural, when the expectation of self exceeds the capability. Yet assertiveness is knowing one’s own limits — when to accept, and how to overcome.

Those fine lines between boundaries and barriers…
Boundaries (both physical and emotional), are spaces that we create for ourselves and for others so as to maintain stability or security. We give ourselves boundaries to help maintain momentum, similarly to assertiveness, it is about knowing when to show up and when to slow down, how to be present, and how to be in the present. Barriers, on the other hand, are hindrances from connection, they are used to push or pull away not for stability but more out of fear. They are the panels that people put up when they are afraid to trust, to connect, to be vulnerable, or to be truthful — with themselves and/or with others. Boundaries are healthy, barriers are restrictive. And there’s often a fine line between them, depending on the reason or context of a situation.

Those fine lines between focus and fixation…
Focus requires a sense of direction in life, whereas fixation is often the escape from distraction. Focus is the absence of distractions — when we can fulfill both wants and needs because we know our purpose and drive, how we want to grow and what we want to achieve. It is a commitment to a passion that comes with a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment. On the other hand, fixation can sometimes be the escape from distraction — when a person is lost or ambiguous, feeling unfulfilled or unmotivated, they may fill the void with obsessions and fixations. Sometimes, focus can lead to fixations, if one does not have adequate rest and reassurance, whereas fixations stem from a sense of over-indulgence, creating a sense of ideals to compensate for insecurities (projections of inadequacy). Focus is a healthy drive that leads to fulfillment, and fixations are the obsession to escape distractions. Sometimes they intertwine, but redirecting the mindset to build focus can help alleviate becoming fixated.

Those fine lines between reassurance and resistance…
We all have moments where we need reassurance, sometimes from ourselves, sometimes from others (depending on the context). Reassurance is a healthy communication tool that is used to express comfort, presence, kindness, and unity. It comes from a place of care and empathy, the sense of being there for someone when support is required. Contrarily, resistance is a defense mechanism that comes up when people cannot be vulnerable, when there is uncertainty and insecurity (be it internal or external), or when there is an overload of reassurance that may cause one to doubt or question their own sense of security. Resistance occurs when one is defensive rather than vulnerable, when one is afraid rather than secure, and when one is egotistic rather than empathetic. Reassurance in the right context and doses is healthy, but resistance is often a symptom of underlying pains that usually require the reassurance one may resist.

Those fine lines between space and stonewalling…
Giving and taking space when we are overwhelmed or overloaded is natural, and it is often healthy to have a moment to breathe and re-calibrate. Communicating the need for space is done sincerely and honestly, from a place of compassion both for self and for the other. It is a time for healing and recharging, especially in a world where life (and technology) have become so fast-paced and physically crowded. However, stonewalling is a manipulation tactic where people use silent-treatment not to create boundaries but rather to enforce barriers and push or pull. It is a defense mechanism when one refuses to be accountable for the impact that their actions and words have on others, and refuses to acknowledge the hurt or pain caused as a result of it. Stonewalling is a form of passive-aggression and often leads to barriers in communication. The healthy approach is communicating (reasonably, and with reassurance) a need for space, when possible to provide reasons, and build a sense of trust that both parties can reconnect again when ready.

Those fine lines… between the lines…
Sometimes, it’s about context and reading between the lines, not to project one’s own perception or interpretation, but rather to better understand a situation. It is about listening from the heart (to respond) and not just from the head (to react). It is about honest and sincere communication, not about lashing out to unload emotions. It is about genuine connection and when necessary, healthy confrontation; not about rage and retaliation. It is about building trust through vulnerability, and not about destroying each other through aggression. Those fine lines between the lines, are about being assertive not aggressive, having boundaries not barriers, being focused not fixated, offering reassurance not resistance, and giving space not stonewalling. Those fine lines between the lines… is the crevice where we either take the leap of faith and start soaring, or plunge into the unknown and become consumed by it.

Those fine lines…
At times, our understanding and interpretation of reality is influenced by surroundings, by the external world and those in our vicinity, yet there are also moments where we look inwardly for reflection and perception of how we experience reality.

Truth is… if we share from a place of love and empathy rather than fear and ego, then it builds trust, connection, and stability… but perhaps… each has their own definition and experience of it all, and that… requires time and sincerity, willingness and acceptance, open-mindedness and open-heartedness, sharing from both sides… but also remembering that while others may have an impact on us, we, too, are part of the influence that we have on them as well.

Thanks for reading.

Mikavelli