Release Me
Release my body
I know it’s wrong
So why am I with you now
~Agnes Carlsson~
With much time away from this blog — living life and contemplating my actions and so forth — I am inevitably drawn back to the magnetic outlet my blog offers.
Thus, in the past couple of months since my last update, much has happened — progress or “congress” I am still abstruse as to now — ambiguous about everything in life as of now.
Perhaps the reason is simple: it’s the end of year. Yet I simultaneously believe that everything which is a result of choices I’ve made in the past months (good and bad regardless) has happened because of a newly developed sense of impulsion and irresponsibility.
Good
- I am currently accepted into University of City London as a student studying Politics and International Relations
- My relationship reached 3 months on December 11th
- My birthday on December 10th was a true success thanks to Kristine B. and MJ.
- I am officially a beer drinker.
- I have a new best friend.
- I have another new best friend.
Bad
- I want more than I can get.
- My phone is dead.
- I can’t differentiate between acceptance and suppression.
- I fell for someone who will never feel the same way about me.
- It’s too late to not hurt me.
- It’s too late to apologize.
- It’s just too late.
- Because who I am and who I have already become will never be good enough for you.
Release me , release my body.
I know it’s wrong, So why am I with you now.
~Agnes Carlsson~
Thus, my blog has once more become my source of outlet and rants / meaningless rage. Whatever has become of my core has subsequently submerged between the fickleness of my character — who I am has lost its meaning to those who should (by default) matter. Yet to those I have pushed away, to those I have chosen to distance from, and to those who have held their guard against me — those are the ones who have undeniably stuck by me in times of need (and of course, times when they weren’t needed, more so wanted). But regardless, I know who the real people in my life are.
And for that, I appreciate you all.
As for my current emotional state right now, sobriety is the best state of suppressing anything real. As for drunkenness — lets just say, drugs do me deeds which sobriety tends to limit.
Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy being with my girlfriend, and I have made many amends for her. I’m sure she notices the change and differences (for if not, then sad — in all senses of the term — can be the only description). I am dating the person I like / am attracted to, but with all inadequacy, I am unable to answer these pending questions with simplistic ease, thus, please refer to in person.
Appreciation is much.
Thank you.
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