The Element of Freedom (Alicia Keys)

Release Me
Release my body
I know it’s wrong
So why am I with you now
~Agnes Carlsson~

With much time away from this blog — living life and contemplating my actions and so forth — I am inevitably drawn back to the magnetic outlet my blog offers.

Thus, in the past couple of months since my last update, much has happened — progress or “congress” I am still abstruse as to now — ambiguous about everything in life as of now.

Perhaps the reason is simple: it’s the end of year. Yet I simultaneously believe that everything which is a result of choices I’ve made in the past months (good and bad regardless) has happened because of a newly developed sense of impulsion and irresponsibility.

Good

  • I am currently accepted into University of City London as a student studying Politics and International Relations
  • My relationship reached 3 months on December 11th
  • My birthday on December 10th was a true success thanks to Kristine B. and MJ.
  • I am officially a beer drinker.
  • I have a new best friend.
  • I have another new best friend.

Bad

  • I want more than I can get.
  • My phone is dead.
  • I can’t differentiate between acceptance and suppression.
  • I fell for someone who will never feel the same way about me.
  • It’s too late to not hurt me.
  • It’s too late to apologize.
  • It’s just too late.
  • Because who I am and who I have already become will never be good enough for you.

Release me , release my body.
I know it’s wrong, So why am I with you now.
~Agnes Carlsson~

Thus, my blog has once more become my source of outlet and rants / meaningless rage. Whatever has become of my coreΒ  has subsequently submerged between the fickleness of my character — who I am has lost its meaning to those who should (by default) matter. Yet to those I have pushed away, to those I have chosen to distance from, and to those who have held their guard against me — those are the ones who have undeniably stuck by me in times of need (and of course, times when they weren’t needed, more so wanted). But regardless, I know who the real people in my life are.

And for that, I appreciate you all.

As for my current emotional state right now, sobriety is the best state of suppressing anything real. As for drunkenness — lets just say, drugs do me deeds which sobriety tends to limit.

Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy being with my girlfriend, and I have made many amends for her. I’m sure she notices the change and differences (for if not, then sad — in all senses of the term — can be the only description). I am dating the person I like / am attracted to, but with all inadequacy, I am unable to answer these pending questions with simplistic ease, thus, please refer to in person.

Appreciation is much.

Thank you.

Some people call me crazy
For falling in love with you
~Alicia Keys~

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