So wake me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older All this time I was finding myself
And I didn’t know I was lost ~Aloe Blacc~
Everyone loves the lie, but no one likes knowing they’ve been lied to. Perhaps this is all just a phase, just a moment of fun. But everything is fun and games until the fun is no more and the games become reality. Every lie starts with a truth, and every truth results in a projection. You can only project so much – only lay so many burdens on the other, until one day it crushes them like an insect and you realise you’ve killed the person you once loved. Crying over someone you heartlessly slaughtered does not bring them back to life.
Despite every futile attempt I have made at rectifying myself, no one is perfect, but some people do come close. And for as long as that one perfect person in your life appears to be everything you think you’ve always wanted, when the facade crashes, you realise that the worst advice you can ever give someone is “be yourself.”
Maybe I’m still young, and maybe the only words I have to live by is the advice I’ve ever given anyone. Perhaps we’re all just bottling up pain, and moving on from a past we all regret having lived. Perhaps one day, this reality now is a past we will one day regret; perhaps it’s a past we will rationalise as “making us who we are today.”
Whatever it is, doing the right thing works for many aspects, but never all. You can never live a balanced life whereby each and every aspect is completely fulfilled. There is no 100% – there is 99% and there is 120%, but there is no 100%.
We are over achievers; we are almost achievers. No one is merely an “achiever.”
Cryptically as I may speak right now, words evade my thoughts, and do no justice to the confusion running through my head. Happiness clouds my vision, satisfaction is not sustenance. We are not all miserable, but we all have varied definitions of happiness.
But the honest truth is that there is no happiness without the cost of someone else’s. We are all sadists at heart, and whether or not we pride ourselves in the misery of others, we take joy in knowing that their misery is not our own, even if we are the sole cause. Happiness is not overrated, but misery loves company.
And happy people do not love the company of miserable people, but they always earn the company of many others. How we deflect, what we do, what we say, the persona we all present, is all irrelevant at the end of the day. Why? Because miserable as someone may be, they do not venture into happiness. Some people are perpetually miserable, and if I could choose right now, I would not sacrifice my happiness for anyone or anything, because ultimately, until you learn to be your own source of happiness, you will never be happy.
So wake me up when this is all over, because maybe I’m young and maybe I’m naive, but I’m also young enough to let myself be naive.
And sometimes, doing the wrong thing isn’t so bad if you can find the right balance.