Repercussions

What would I do without your smart mouth
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
Got my head spinning, no kidding, I can’t pin you down
What’s going on in that beautiful mind?
~John Legend~

Caught between moving past the repercussions of a breakup and adjusting to a new relationship on the opposite end of the spectrum. Exactly opposite – since the distance is a physical one of sorts..

If we are anything alike,Β we both have an unspoken apprehension and fear of the unknown. In a sense, it might be all new, and there is something new for me too. Simply because it’s an attempt at a relationship I am hypothesising, in all hope that this might succeed.

T’has been a while, but the fear of jealousy and heartbreak is forever a lingering ailment of my fickle mind, simply because of failed experiences and the burdens of knowledge. Yes, they were all a choice, but when one is happy, they tell themselves a lie and ignore all the truths contradicting it.

Perhaps I’m doing the same, owing to my incessant determination to get what I want, and whenΒ I have it, every attempt at holding onto it suffices.

Many claim my behaviour as sheer stupidity and naive inhibition. Though my rationale can all but disagree, I wonder why, for a moment of exhilaration, would I fight for something I can only hope will last.

Hope, a flicker of it enough for one to behave entirely irrationally and defy all cognisance.

Hope, a lie we tell ourselves to convince ourselves that our choices are the truth.

But everybody lies, and we lie to ourselves because reality is a pain we all run from. A pain we refuse to accept exists. A pain we refuse to admit is real.

Cynically realistic as I may be, for once I have the option of momentary happiness. If one subconsciously believes that man is anarchic by nature and that the only purpose of life is survival, maybe, just maybe, embracing a small moment of sparkle is enough to give a seeming meaning.

But everything is simple.

And we are all minimalists when it comes to happiness.

But this morning, there’s a calm I can’t explain
The rock candy’s melted, only diamonds now remain
And I will wait to find
If this will last forever…
~John Mayer~

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